Six things that helped me through my mental health battle
With the number of people reporting moderate to severe symptoms of depression doubling since the start of the pandemic (ONS), I wanted to put together a list of things that helped me manage my depressive period. I am aware there are some very real reasons out there that would trigger depression and anxiety, and one hopes these symptoms weaken when life gets back to its new normal. But this does not change how people are feeling right now — and I suppose I am writing this for the many people who are struggling seriously with their mental health for the first time. Because this is the sort of feature I could have done with reading when my mind started to spiral out of control.
(Note: These are not alternatives to advice from doctors or mental health professionals, just something additional to think about that might help.)
- Taking a trip inside
There wasn’t anything particularly dramatic that happened when it came to my mental health struggles, I think I had just lost my way over time and wasn’t living the life that I wanted. A brain that had previously been happy, and content, was now fizzing and bubbling with discomfort. During one very challenging day, I remember looking at this big fluffy Union Jack pillow and thinking I need to sit on that pillow and meditate. It was like my brain had finally run out of ways to distract itself, and realised that the solution lay inside me not outside of me. This led to me taking up yoga, which is now incredibly important to both my physical and mental well-being. I don’t need to tell you if you are running from yourself, or using technology, alcohol, work, sex (does that still happen now?) to distract yourself from painful truths, because deep down you already know. But if you have reached a point where you feel the wheels are spinning too fast, the good news is that there’s so many brilliant people out there ready to guide you into a few quiet moments of self-reflection. Whether you fancy breathing exercises, yoga with Adriene (she is adorable) or the Headspace apps.
2. Moderating alcohol
The alcohol industry has been doing its damnedest to convince you otherwise for many years, but I’m afraid alcohol is and always will be a depressant. If you feel shitty in a pandemic, then chances are if you are drinking too much, you will feel even shittier. I am now teetotal but I wouldn’t recommend this lifestyle to everyone, because it really is quite fooking boring. I binged too often, it never really agreed with me, and I do think women are generally not as good as drinking as men, so I needed to get it out my life. Most people live long and content lives drinking moderately, so there’s no pressure to quit. Just be aware that too much alcohol over time does not usually help your mental illness fighting team: that’s your mind and your body. If you are feeling down and blue, you really, really, really need these two battlers on your side.
3. Talking to people
Personally a lot of my pain could have been avoided if I hadn’t developed such a big old love fest with my ego. When things were going well, my ego was happy and life was good. When things started to go badly, my ego couldn’t accept my misery. Switching from winner to loser sounds simplistic but that’s what it felt like. It’s not easy to be weak in front of others, especially if they are more used to seeing you strong and happy and laughing. But the thing is we have to let people in for the sake of our sanity. And what you find is that as soon as you show weakness to someone, 99% of the time they will return it with their own weakness. Nobody is perfect, nobody is okay all the time, we are all broken in some devastatingly heartbreaking way — and the more you talk to people, the more you understand that. Through talking, multiple people heal at once.
4. Opening to change
If you are going through a tough time mentally and trying to deal with it by going deeper inside yourself, you might need to face something that can be rather painful — change. Change hurts. I changed my job, my friendship groups, got off Facebook, quit alcohol, made new friends, took up new hobbies — so many things changed because I needed to make my life align with who I wanted to be — not who I was. Don’t be afraid of change — it is part of the healing process. There is a truth in the saying that if we aren’t growing, we are dying (we are dying anyway, but you catch my drift).
5. Limiting news intake
Covid is a terrible terrible thing, but Covid doesn’t feel quite so Covid-y when you aren’t plugged into the news all day long. In fact, life can often feel relatively safe and normal. Of course it’s good to stay informed, but there is a difference between using the news for education or self-flagellation. If you are going to self-flagellate, at least do it in a sexy way!
6. More talking
This is a personal decision but my own experiences of therapy have been extremely beneficial. Points 1 to 5 did a lot to help restore mental clarity, but there were areas I couldn’t reach without a therapist. I needed to talk about the past. I needed to have someone who didn’t judge my feelings. I needed someone who had spent years studying so they knew more about the human mind than I did. Sometimes therapy feels like a miracle — but it isn’t. There is a science and reason to it — and that’s why it helps so many people. Just having a space to know you can unload is precious in itself. Now is the time to put yourself and your mental health first, and it really helps that the stigma of seeing a therapist is seriously cracking. All the cool kids have a therapist! There are people who talk about how expensive therapy can be if it’s not on the NHS, but if you can afford it, how can anything on earth be more valuable than your own peace of mind?
While the above things all contributed hugely to putting myself in a stronger place, it is important to remind ourselves that sadness is a part of life. Putting your mind and body in the fittest state possible, however, is a good way to avoid things spiralling out of control. For me, a healthy mental state is when you feel what you need to at the right time, whether it is happiness, sadness, worry, peace, gratitude, love, anger, shame, hope. By riding through these emotions and not fighting them — it stops the pain building — because you are opening up yourself and accepting it. The Happiness Trap by Dr Russ Harris is the best self help book I’ve ever read and the basic concept is that sometimes we need to go into our pain, rather than pushing it away. Sometimes a run or a yoga class is enough to shift our energy, but if we are battling deeper demons, there will be times when this isn’t enough, and we’ll need to do a bit of thinking, feeling and taking action.
It can be tough being a human, and while I’ve often dreamt about a pain-free existence, I am not sure it is the one to chase. By going through pain and challenges, we develop the sort of compassion and kindness this world needs more than ever.
